When life throws you curve balls, when a love one is taken away so soon, our number one question to GOD is WHY? In the Christian world we are taught to not ask why? We are taught asking GOD questions is insulting to his plans he has for our lives, I once read somewhere that said Why not ask GOD why when he already knows your thinking and all the thoughts in your mind? I remember trying to convince myself I wasn’t upset with GOD right after my mother passed. I refused to say it out loud that I was angry with him or mad at him, but the truth of the matter was I was angry, upset and mad. I felt like if I admitted my feelings toward GOD then I was disobeying him and his plan.
I remember going to counseling and I told my therapist I was upset with GOD, but I didn’t want to ask GOD why? She then begins to say why not ask why? She instructed me to go to a quiet place in my home and scream to the top of my lungs and ask WHY? At that point it was like I got permission to do something that I wanted to do but was scared to do so.
Later on that day I went back home and closed my room door and got on my knees and screamed to the top of my lungs WHYYYYYYYYYYYY???? The tears begin to flood my face uncontrollably, I found my face on the ground crying for over 10 mins. Finally, after crying and asking why, I seat there in silence for another 10mins until then I heard a voice say, “why not you?” what makes you so different than anyone else in this world who experience the loss of a love one? I heard this voice tell me “I have kept you in this shell and protected you your whole entire life, now is the time for you to break out of the shell and begin to trust me.
It was in that moment I was speechless at the respond I heard back, speechless because this was the second time I could admit I heard the holy spirit speak to me and It was so loud and clear, speechless because It was true, I felt as if I was the only one in this world who lost a parent and no one understood my pain. Finally speechless because he was right, GOD has protected me my whole entire life from any types of heartbreaks, worries, struggles and even disappointments.
This was the first time in my life I had to really look towards him for strength and guidance and yes this is the first time in my life I had to learn to trust him like never before. It was now that I had to begin the work in trusting his plan, will and now even purpose for my life. In my “Why” to GOD, I was able to now have an understanding that wasn’t there before, in my “Why” I was able to reestablish a real relationship with GOD. That day when I got on my knees and screamed out WHY?? I never thought or imagined I would hear a respond back, but I did and because I did my life and way of thinking begin to change. If you never asked GOD why about the curve balls life has thrown you and been too scared to do so, do it! Go into a quiet place, get on your knees and scream to the top of your lungs and ask WHY??
Now here is the thing, I can’t guarantee that you will hear a respond back to your why, I can’t even promise it will make me you feel better. I will promise you this will be another step in your healing, this healing thing is a process and so many layers you have to peel through to get to the core of your healing. So, remember it’s okay to ask your why because GOD already know you’re thinking it!
Ashley (Healing Daughters)